Very moving. Take 10 minutes out of your busy day to read...
by William Rivers Pitt, truthout
I have a livid scar in the center of the back of my right hand. It is clearly visible, so I see it every day, and every time I see it, I am reminded of how I got it. One day, several boys in my junior high school class grabbed me and pinned me to the floor. They extended my right arm and held my hand flat to the floor. One of them took out a pencil and began violently rubbing it against the skin of that hand, until the skin broke, until little balls of my flesh stuck to the eraser, until the blood poured.
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Showing posts with label overcoming bullies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overcoming bullies. Show all posts
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Quick lesson on evolutionary psychology
Evolutionary psychologists say that we develop emotions to keep us safe.
Humans are social creatures, and there are no known societies in the history of the world where being alone was acceptable. We rely on others to live; and to produce food, shelter and clothing for us, keep us company and help us survive. Evolutionary theorists would say, then, that we feel the emotion "aloneness" in order to inspire us find other people when we do end up alone. Being alone means not surviving, and feeling alone prompts us to go and find companionship and other people.
This means you have control of your emotions. You can fix them, and normally you know how. If you feel lonely, you seek someone to be your companion. You feel sad, you seek out something to make you happy. But when it comes to bullying, many of us retract - instead of controlling the emotion of feeling badly about the situation.
But you have a choice.
Humans are social creatures, and there are no known societies in the history of the world where being alone was acceptable. We rely on others to live; and to produce food, shelter and clothing for us, keep us company and help us survive. Evolutionary theorists would say, then, that we feel the emotion "aloneness" in order to inspire us find other people when we do end up alone. Being alone means not surviving, and feeling alone prompts us to go and find companionship and other people.
This means you have control of your emotions. You can fix them, and normally you know how. If you feel lonely, you seek someone to be your companion. You feel sad, you seek out something to make you happy. But when it comes to bullying, many of us retract - instead of controlling the emotion of feeling badly about the situation.
But you have a choice.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Quote of the Day
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
— Wayne Dyer: Self-development author and speaker
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Quick Quote
"In a time of crisis we all have the potential to morph up to a new level and do things we never thought possible."— Stuart Wilde, author, researcher on consciousness
Friday, April 18, 2008
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Day in and day out, the bully Kate worked with attempted to micromanage her, and turn their boss against her. He picked fights with her, harassed her, and showed up in her office once in awhile to yell at her. Over the course of Kate’s employment in that position her mental health declined steadily, with stress and anxiety increasing almost daily.
Toward the end of her five-year stint in that position, a tattered lined piece of paper hung above her alarm clock with the words “Get up! Get up! Get up!” written in blue highlighter. It was her only source of inspiration, and an ever failing attempt at motivating herself to actually get out of bed when the alarm went off. Depression increasing, so was the number of times she hit the sleep button each morning.
On the drive home the day Kate finally quit, she swore she’d never be that unhappy again. The decision had been made, and she learned later that the desire to follow through with it was immensely powerful. One day in her next position, where work days were normally happy and even fun, her boss sent her a rather scathing email in response to a mistake she’d made, which he cc’ed to half the company and all of the management team. He also heckled Kate a few separate times as he walked by her desk to the water cooler, and in an office with no cubicle walls or privacy, everyone could hear him.
At the receipt of the email, Kate had a few choices.
She could ignore it, or write a timid apology claiming she would never let it happen again. But that would have led her down the path of becoming yet another victim of yet another office bully. The other option was to stand up for herself, and compose a polite, yet firm, response.
So she clicked “reply to all”, acknowledged (not apologized for) her mistake, provided several options for solution, and advised she was free to discuss them further with him that afternoon, behind a closed door, if he felt so inclined. Within thirty seconds of Kate's clicking “send,” her boss' office door flew open; he marched straight over to Kate, and said, “Fantastic email Kate! Way to put the hammer down!”
The moral: He respected Kate’s new found ability to stand up for herself. He knew he’d bullied her, and he also knew now that she would not allow it. She’d ended it once and for all by standing up for herself, and it did not happen again.
You have the ability to change your situation, and as Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”.
Toward the end of her five-year stint in that position, a tattered lined piece of paper hung above her alarm clock with the words “Get up! Get up! Get up!” written in blue highlighter. It was her only source of inspiration, and an ever failing attempt at motivating herself to actually get out of bed when the alarm went off. Depression increasing, so was the number of times she hit the sleep button each morning.
On the drive home the day Kate finally quit, she swore she’d never be that unhappy again. The decision had been made, and she learned later that the desire to follow through with it was immensely powerful. One day in her next position, where work days were normally happy and even fun, her boss sent her a rather scathing email in response to a mistake she’d made, which he cc’ed to half the company and all of the management team. He also heckled Kate a few separate times as he walked by her desk to the water cooler, and in an office with no cubicle walls or privacy, everyone could hear him.
At the receipt of the email, Kate had a few choices.
She could ignore it, or write a timid apology claiming she would never let it happen again. But that would have led her down the path of becoming yet another victim of yet another office bully. The other option was to stand up for herself, and compose a polite, yet firm, response.
So she clicked “reply to all”, acknowledged (not apologized for) her mistake, provided several options for solution, and advised she was free to discuss them further with him that afternoon, behind a closed door, if he felt so inclined. Within thirty seconds of Kate's clicking “send,” her boss' office door flew open; he marched straight over to Kate, and said, “Fantastic email Kate! Way to put the hammer down!”
The moral: He respected Kate’s new found ability to stand up for herself. He knew he’d bullied her, and he also knew now that she would not allow it. She’d ended it once and for all by standing up for herself, and it did not happen again.
You have the ability to change your situation, and as Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”.
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