Resilience in the Face of Adversity

I just returned from a conference in Arizona where I presented a soon-to-be-published paper on workplace bullying. I presented this research with a panel of other researchers who also had written papers on bullying. Three of the panelists had been bullied at some in the past, and had written papers on their experiences.

While I listened, it really got me thinking about what the differences are between two victims of bullying - where one victim comes out of the situation more or less okay, while another comes out of the same situation with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. There must be differences between victims that would cause them to experience the same situation so differently.

I also recently came across Kathyrn Britton's article on resilience. You can read the whole thing here.

According to Kathryn, resilience is the ability to deal with moments of panic, self-blame, anger, threats (or workplace bullies). It is adaptation to difficulties surrounding you.

The following three steps can help one get through a difficult moment:

1. Calm down. Take deep breaths.
2. Think of something that gives you a positive emotion.
3. Try to shift your thinking about the challenge that started the negative emotions in the first place.

Kathryn goes on to say that resilience isn't so much just the simple ability to deal with a difficult time, but it's also an accumulation of assets that include connections to prosocial organizations, close relationships with others, positive relationships with family, a positive view of the self, good problem solving skills and appealing personality.

Therefore, as you think about issues you face at work and the anger you feel towards the bully you must fight each day, try thinking about the resources and competencies you have accumulated thus far in life. Here are some questions to help you tally some of them:

• Have you shown self-regulation in the past (e.g., with money, your temper, etc)?
• Do you have a community of friends who can support you?
• Have you helped others?
• Have you dealt with serious adversity in the past? How did you deal with it? What were the skills you gained?
• Are you a positive or a negative thinker? If you are a negative thinker, what is your plan to start thinking more positively?

Remember that ultimately your experience with the bully will only build your skills and ability to deal with adversity. It's not so bad afterall - use the opportunity to build your ability to be resilient.

This article was adapted from Kathryn Britton's article posted on Postive Psychology News Daily, and the article can be read in full here.

Workplace bullying can be difficult to distinguish

One of the emerging issues in employment law today is workplace bullying.
Laws have been proposed in at least a dozen states that would address abusive behavior in the workplace, but so far none has become law. The difficulty seems to be in distinguishing bullying from relatively common (albeit obnoxious) management techniques.

In California, the Legislature considered a bill several years ago that would have banned malicious behavior by an employer or manager "that a reasonable person would find hostile, offensive and unrelated to an employer’s legitimate business interests." It died in committee, partly because it was feared that the broad definition would lead to a flood of lawsuits.

Nearly every week I get a call from an employee who complains about a hostile environment at work. When I ask more questions, I often find there is no legal recourse because the boss treats everyone the same way. He or she is an equal opportunity jerk, and the laws that protect employees from discrimination and harassment are of little use in this situation.

But are the courts the best place to address this problem? Can a judge or jury right all of the wrongs – large and small – that people experience on a daily basis? Shouldn’t we expect to take some things in stride and take some responsibility for the way we allow ourselves to be treated?

Discrimination on the basis of status is different. When being female, older or Latino is the cause of unfair treatment, it’s an institutional problem. But when one person feels intimidated by another, it’s often a function of their specific relationship, not the result of a widespread societal bias.

Of course, assault and battery is still illegal, as are threats of violence, even at work. That is not to say that bullying is OK. It’s not.

It’s very damaging to an organization to allow a manager to rule by intimidation. It has been estimated that a single abusive manager can waste $180,000 in a single year.

Even if that manager produces profits in the short run, he or she is killing the goose to get those golden eggs. There is no excuse for genuine abuse in the workplace, but a legal definition needs to be narrower than simply "hostile" or "offensive," or we truly risk having courts second guessing every interaction between employer and employee.

HR Consultant Catherine Mattice has studied workplace bullying extensively. She recommends beefing up the employer’s communication practices to avoid the potential losses and liabilities that a generally hostile workplace – even a legal one – can entail.

On her Web site, www.noworkplacebullies.com, she points out ways to recognize bullies in your workplace and steps you can take to reduce dissatisfaction and boost morale. In these times, that’s not a bad goal for any employer.

By Lou Storrow, Chairman of the Carlsbad Chamber of Commerce Board of Directors, Feb 01, 2009

Announcing Workplace Bully Workshop

The Center for Innovation’s

Professional Development Academy of the Grossmont-Cuyamaca Community College District

Presents:

WORKPLACE BULLIES
A Complimentary Workshop by Catherine Mattice

What: This free workshop will help you put a stop to bullying, whether you are a manager or a target. Catherine Mattice will cover how and why bullies thrive in an organization and the damage they are causing. She will explore why some people may be targeted over others, how to facilitate adjustments in organizational culture, and how to cultivate assertive communication skills.

Who: The Center of Innovation of the Grossmont-Cuyamaca Community College District presents Catherine Mattice, communication consultant and workplace bullying subject matter expert.

When: Wednesday, February 25, 2009
11:00am-12:15pm

Where: Cuyamaca College
Room F-613
900 Rancho San Diego Parkway
El Cajon, CA 92019

RSVP: Pre-registration is required. Registration is FREE. Please RSVP to Katie O’Leary at 619-660-4323 or Kathleen.OLeary@gcccd.edu.

Bad managers top reason for quitting

From the Atlanta Business Chronicle...

Great Quotes from Great Leaders

This came from Nightingale-Conant, one of my favorite enewsletters and places to get inspiring information.

Sit back, relax, turn up your speakers, and enjoy about three minutes of inspiring quotes from great leaders of the past.

http://www.ncgreatquotesmovie.com/1.html

Take back control of your life

This morning I came across a wonderful website, http://www.overcomebullying.org/. The site belongs to an organization devoted to resolving bullying in schools and the workplace (Plug: Sign up for their newsletter), and I found one of their articles to make an extremely good point.

Sometimes the best way to deal with a bully is to quit your job. But to most that's not an option, especially in this economy. Overcomebullying.org points out, though, that while your bills are one thing, your mental health and physical state are much more important. While you're thinking, "Can I afford to quit my job and still pay my bills?" what you should be thinking is, "Can I really afford to be this unhappy?"

The fact of the matter is, you don't just shut your feelings of hurt and anxiety off when you leave for the day. They remain with you at all times.

I became a workplace bullying consultant because of my own experiences. I was bullied by another Director-level peer. And... as the HR Director I was fighting for the rights of all of the staff members the bully was bullying. I found myself fighting wars for them in order to ease their own pain, because that's what HR professionals do - take the brunt of the wrath of management if they can.

I left that job not because I quit, necessarily. I left that job because my boss came into my office one day, after about a year of my perpetual tardiness and extremely reduced productivity (normally way out of character for me), to point out that while I was once the highest producer and full of life and ideas, I was not putting in any effort at work anymore. We decided the best option for me was to leave - right then.

So, with my tail between my legs I packed my boxes, and left without warning. Scary... or so you'd think.

When I think back to that day I don't see fear and saddness, I see beautiful rainbows and sunshine. My drive home from work that day, the day I was essentially asked to leave because my tormentor had ripped my self-esteem to shreds, was one of the best days of my life. Over the course of the next few weeks, I could physically feel the monkey climbing down off my back. I could stand up straight again and everything seemed brighter, literally, not metaphorically. My physical state changed - I felt happy and vibrant again. My mental state changed - I could see the world with clarity.

And where there's a will there's a way. I went out and immediately got another job full of life and fun. I loved going to work everyday. I was ultimately laid off, unfortunately, and that's when I decided to start my own consulting firm.

While finding a job immediately may not be so realistic during this time, the economy will change - and you want to be ready when it does.

So start your planning now. Get the ol' resume out and start filling in the gaps. You're lucky because bullies target the smartest people with the most ideas, and the management favorites, so that means you've got a good chance at finding something new.

Keep in mind resumes should contain lots of tangible accomplishments with only a few job tasks that summarize your position. Be sure to keep the resume neat and clean, and use bullet points to make it easier for the resume reviewer to scan. Resumes only get 2-20 seconds of time, so you want to be clear and concise. For more tips on resume writing click on "In the Media" at http://www.catherinemattice.com/. You'll find some great information there.

Also remember that there is no need to bind yourself to another 9-5er with a paycheck every 2 weeks. We often do, because it's steady and it's easy.

But if you want to leave now many companies are hiring consultants to do a little work here and little work there to cover the stuff that a now-laid off person may have been doing. Start asking around and using your business contacts - you may find there's more demand out there for your skills than you thought.

Stretch your mind

Wayne Dyer, infamous self-development author and speaker, once stated, "What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds."

Think about that for a second. And then think about this: Things are the way we think they are because we think they are that way.

I've been writing a book chapter for a new book coming out in 2009, called Understanding and Addressing Workplace Bullying (keep your eye out for it). As I've been reviewing my what feels like millions of research articles sprawled all over my office, I find myself becoming more and more annoyed.

One article mentioned that researchers hesitate to include targets in the research on workplace bullying because that would mean targets play some part in a bully's antics. Another mentioned that we should be careful to include targets because they are not necessarily part of the equation, and that research should focus on the bullies and organizational factors specifically. I've also noticed most of the websites out there claim that victims are just that. One in particular mentioned that there's nothing wrong with you, victim, but everything is wrong with the bully.

But here's the thing. It takes two to tango. It takes two people to interact. And why do some people go home crying and wailing that they are bullied at work, while others simply go home feeling like their boss is a jerk? The answer is perception, the ability to stand up for yourself, to maintain self-confidence even when something is pushing you down, and to verbally match a bully. Those things mark the difference between a victim and someone who doesn't feel bullied.

I know this might be harsh. But I was once a victim. I can look back on the scenario and blame the bully. I can hate him and what he did to me for the rest of my life.

But I'd rather learn from my experience. What could I have done differently? Why did I let him take my self-confidence? During those arguments in his office what could I have said to change my situation?

The answer is a lot of different things. But the answer is certainly not that it wasn't my fault. I certainly wasn't an innocent bystander. What I felt about my situation determined how it played out. In order to change my life, I needed to stretch my mind, my assertive communication and my ability to stand up for myself.

And moving forward, I intend to do just that. I hope you will join me.