This year my newsletters have addressed corporate policies, training programs, culture changes, and many other conventional ways you can address bullying behavior at work. As you know, however, if the decision makers in your organization are not on board with building a positive workplace, then policies and training programs will be difficult to implement.
So here are five things you can do to help keep things civil around the office without asking your boss for an entire corporate culture makeover.
1. Be the change you want to see. I know; it's cliché. But fact is we don't pay much attention to our own communication most of the time, and of course it's easy to point fingers and argue that others aren't being very nice. Awareness is half of the battle - once you start being more cognizant of your behavior and communication it becomes easier to change it. We call this self-monitoring. If you are a high self-monitor, then you probably pay close attention to your communication and adjust it as needed for the situation. If you are a low self-monitor then you probably don’t pay much attention to your communication, and you likely are treating others disrespectfully without even realizing it. Make it a goal to become a high self-monitor.
2. Stand up for others. One of the reasons I became so interested in bullying and incivility at work was the fact that they are a social phenomenon - it's never about just the bully. Bullying and other uncivilized behaviors happen at work because other people allow them to (yes that means you). If you witness someone getting berated consistently during staff meetings, for example, the chances of you or anyone else standing up for them is slim to none. Researchers call this the bystander effect, and the reason it exists is that others are afraid of being targeted next.
Forget all that. When you see a person being mistreated at work, stand up for them. Plain and simple. Something like, "Hey John the meeting will be more productive if we all try to stay calm here. I know this is a stressful project but we need to work together" should suffice. The more often you do that, the more often others will too. You and all of your peers are stronger, collectively, than one bullying person. You have much more power to end the bullying as a group, and if you band together, you will be successful in doing so.
3. Dish out two compliments a day. In today’s economy and the resulting stress it’s easy to get frustrated with others when you feel like they aren’t performing or when they make mistakes. But, that’s not helping build a more civil work environment. Of course it is important to correct mistakes or make process improvements – but it’s also important to tell people when they do things right – even the little things. And you don’t have to be anyone’s boss to pass out praise.
If you happen to be walking through the reception area and overhear the receptionist handling a call with a positive attitude, then compliment him or her on it. If you see a co-worker wiping down the counters in the break room, then say thank you. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but it could make a huge difference in that person’s day, and they just might turn around and compliment someone else… even a customer!
4. Rally for your community. Volunteering provides a multitude of psychological and physical benefits. It brings a heightened sense of well-being, relief from insomnia, a stronger immune system… and it helps build confidence and self-esteem as a result of the appreciation we feel from those people we help. Take Cami Walker for example. At 35 she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and only after focusing on giving to the people around her did the pain she was feeling start to ease. Since then she’s written a book and started a movement of giving. Her website is http://www.29gifts.org/.
In addition to the personal benefits you will feel for giving your time to help others, certainly when your department volunteers to help the community together, the benefits of team building are eminent. So check out Charity Navigator and Volunteers of America to find a volunteering opportunity right for you and your team. Invite everyone to participate (even the uncivil ones). You’ll definitely notice a positive change in the way you interact with each other at work as a result of everyone feeling better about themselves and about each other.
5. Play the Best-Self Game. Kim Cameron, author of Positive Leadership: Strategies for Extraordinary Performance, suggests this activity to get the positive communication flowing and the self-esteem growing. During your next meeting, ask everyone to write down two nice things about their co-workers on separate sheets of scratch paper. At the end of the meeting, each person walks away with a list of traits others appreciate in them, an understanding of their own strengths, and a set of thank you’s for those times they stepped up and went the extra mile.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Bullying by the boss is common but hard to fix, by Laura Petrecca, USA Today
The Hooters restaurant chain likes to play up its "delightfully tacky, yet unrefined" slogan. But what more than 15 million TV viewers saw on Feb. 14 went beyond unrefined.
A Hooters franchise manager insisted that servers clasp their hands behind their backs and gobble up a serving of cooked beans face-first. Whoever cleaned her plate the quickest would get to leave early.
That scene was shown on the CBS reality show Undercover Boss. Later in the episode, Coby Brooks — the Hooters CEO who went undercover to evaluate workers — reprimands the manager for being inappropriate.
"There are lines that you don't cross," Brooks said.
Yet, many bosses don't follow that stance. In offices nationwide, managers belittle, isolate, intimidate and sabotage employees.
One in three adults has experienced workplace bullying, according to surveys conducted earlier this year by research firm Zogby International for the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI). Nearly three-fourths of bullying is from the top down, according to a 2007 study.
Some tyrannical managers scream and send out scathing e-mails. But often, an oppressor uses a more subtle — and easily covered — collection of behaviors. These actions could include purposely leaving a worker out of communications so they can't do their job well, mocking someone during meetings and spreading malicious gossip about their target, says Catherine Mattice, a workplace consultant who specializes in this issue.
The acts may seem trivial, but as they build up over time, the ramifications can be monumental.
Bullied workers often feel anxious and depressed, can't sleep and are at increased risk for ailments such as hypertension. Some employees feel so overwhelmed, they just can't see a way out. "Sometimes, unfortunately, suicide is the result," Mattice says.
Tough to diagnose
On an academic level, workplace bullying has become a popular research topic, says Stanford Engineering School management professor and Good Boss, Bad Boss author Robert Sutton. But on a broader scale, there is still much to be learned about this topic.
"Workplace bullying is kind of this new concept; it's like sexual harassment before Anita Hill," Mattice says. "One of the biggest problems is that it is under the radar."
A big issue is that bullying is difficult to define. Is a demanding boss a bully or a perfectionist? Is a manager who says inappropriate things malicious or just tactless? "That's one of the difficult things to grapple with," says Joseph O'Keefe, a senior counsel at law firm Proskauer. "When does it rise above just being a mean boss and reach the level of bullying?"
As a general guideline, bullying occurs when a manager has an ongoing pattern of intimidating or demeaning behavior that can affect an employee's health.
"We've all had bosses who are rough around the edges, and sometimes you just have to deal with it," says Tom Davenport, a senior consultant at human resources consultancy Towers Watson. "But it's one thing to have an assertive boss, and it's another to have one that makes you feel sick — psychologically, physically and emotionally sick."
Since bullying is such an amorphous act, department managers and human resource executives often have to examine claims of it on an individual basis. Officials at the University of Virginia had to undertake this task earlier this year.
On July 30, Kevin Morrissey, managing editor at the University of Virginia literary magazine Virginia Quarterly Review, shot himself. Morrissey's sister, Maria Morrissey, says that after his death, she learned that her brother was treated harshly by VQR editor Ted Genoways.
Genoways' attorney, Lloyd Snook, says the editor was not a bully to Morrissey or anyone else in the office.
Following Morrissey's death, the university commissioned an audit of the magazine's finances and management practices. The Oct. 20 report says that while Genoways' ability to supervise his staff in accordance with university policies "is questionable," complaints against him didn't raise any red flags.
"There were reports through the years of the editor not being courteous or respectful with some contributors and colleagues, as well as problems with certain employees, but none ever seemed to rise to the level of a serious, ongoing concern," the report said.
In a formal response to the audit, Snook said that Genoways "has never been told of any specific complaint that any of his staff has had. There was never any personnel action taken against Ted."
Even with the release of the internal report, there are still many questions swirling — and not many publically known answers — about the situation at VQR.
Failing to take action
Yet, even when there are obvious concerns about a boss poisoning an office environment, often little is done. Reasons this is tough to diagnose and cure:
•Victims keep quiet. Many workers are embarrassed at being bullied, so they don't report the persecution to human resources. In addition, many targets are afraid that if they complain, there will be retribution.
•Intervention can take time. Morrissey and other staffers complained to UVA officials about workplace strife. Mediation was to take place, says UVA spokeswoman Carol Woods, but Kevin's sister, Maria, says the school didn't have a thorough or timely response. The UVA audit says its personnel satisfied "institutional policies and procedures." While there were notices of problems at VQR, the report says there were "no specific allegations of bullying or harassment prior to July 30th."
•Discipline can be subjective. Even though Undercover Boss is an entertainment-focused reality show, blogs were filled with intense criticism for Hooters CEO Brooks after he didn't fire the manager who made the waitresses eat without their hands.
That manager resigned earlier this year "to pursue other interests," says Hooters spokeswoman Alexis Aleshire. She said the company couldn't comment further on that specific situation, but e-mailed this statement: "Hooters has a longstanding and highly effective policy protecting employees from all harassment. Hooters of America and (the) Texas Wings (franchise) are confident the incident portrayed on Undercover Boss is in no way representative of conduct within the Hooters system."
•Legal recourse isn't clear-cut. Existing federal laws focus on the harassment/discrimination of those in a protected class, such as race, religion, national origin, age or disability. Since 2003, 18 states have proposed a "healthy workplace bill" that holds an employer accountable for an abusive environment, but none has become law.
•Witnesses are scared to come forward. About one in seven workers said they've seen workplace bullying but haven't been a target themselves, the WBI says. But many observers keep quiet. "A lot of time, bystanders see bullying, but they won't stand up," Mattice says. "They don't want to attract attention."
•Savvy bosses work the system. Manipulative managers often know how to play the game so they're not caught. "They kiss up and kick down," Sutton says.
Who gets picked on by whom
Workplace bullying can take many forms. While it's often a boss targeting employees, workers have picked on peers — and even their supervisors.
Slightly more than 60% of bullies are men, and 58% of targets are women, according to WBI. When a woman is the aggressor, she often picks on her own gender: Women target other women in 80% of cases. Men are more apt to target men.
Bullying can take place in any work environment, but Mattice says it tends to be more prevalent in hierarchical industries such as manufacturing, health care and education.
Crummy bosses are frequently more tolerated in organizations that focus on reaching sales goals, Davenport says.
"In a results-driven environment, managers may say 'Tom really is a jerk, but he certainly produces the numbers,' " he says.
Further complicating things: Most bullies don't realize — or at least, admit — that they're the bad guy. Fewer than 1% of people say they bully others at work, according to the WBI.
"We, as human beings, have self-awareness issues," Sutton says.
While maniacal managers may not realize how their behavior affects other employees, one place where they could see the difference is in the bottom line. Bullied employees will often take more sick days, steal supplies and use work hours to look for other jobs.
"They'll take longer breaks, and they'll be less likely to help others," Sutton says.
Beaten-down employees also don't perform as well on duties that take mental wherewithal. Research subjects have been less creative in simple puzzle-solving tasks after someone has been nasty to them, Sutton says.
But even as studies show that abusive managers can harm profits, bullying continues to rise at some firms.
One issue: Productivity-producing carrots, such as raises and bonuses, have been taken away as companies cut costs. Many mangers have turned to using sticks.
"With the economy the way it is, (supervisors) are more stressed out, and they are more likely to become more aggressive at work," Mattice says.
Those on the receiving end have their own issues due to the economic maelstrom.
"Anyone who is being bullied feels trapped, because where are they going to go?" she says. "They feel stuck there until the economy gets better."
Read the article on USA Today here: http://www.usatoday.com/money/workplace/2010-12-28-bullyboss28_CV_N.htm
A Hooters franchise manager insisted that servers clasp their hands behind their backs and gobble up a serving of cooked beans face-first. Whoever cleaned her plate the quickest would get to leave early.
That scene was shown on the CBS reality show Undercover Boss. Later in the episode, Coby Brooks — the Hooters CEO who went undercover to evaluate workers — reprimands the manager for being inappropriate.
"There are lines that you don't cross," Brooks said.
Yet, many bosses don't follow that stance. In offices nationwide, managers belittle, isolate, intimidate and sabotage employees.
One in three adults has experienced workplace bullying, according to surveys conducted earlier this year by research firm Zogby International for the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI). Nearly three-fourths of bullying is from the top down, according to a 2007 study.
Some tyrannical managers scream and send out scathing e-mails. But often, an oppressor uses a more subtle — and easily covered — collection of behaviors. These actions could include purposely leaving a worker out of communications so they can't do their job well, mocking someone during meetings and spreading malicious gossip about their target, says Catherine Mattice, a workplace consultant who specializes in this issue.
The acts may seem trivial, but as they build up over time, the ramifications can be monumental.
Bullied workers often feel anxious and depressed, can't sleep and are at increased risk for ailments such as hypertension. Some employees feel so overwhelmed, they just can't see a way out. "Sometimes, unfortunately, suicide is the result," Mattice says.
Tough to diagnose
On an academic level, workplace bullying has become a popular research topic, says Stanford Engineering School management professor and Good Boss, Bad Boss author Robert Sutton. But on a broader scale, there is still much to be learned about this topic.
"Workplace bullying is kind of this new concept; it's like sexual harassment before Anita Hill," Mattice says. "One of the biggest problems is that it is under the radar."
A big issue is that bullying is difficult to define. Is a demanding boss a bully or a perfectionist? Is a manager who says inappropriate things malicious or just tactless? "That's one of the difficult things to grapple with," says Joseph O'Keefe, a senior counsel at law firm Proskauer. "When does it rise above just being a mean boss and reach the level of bullying?"
As a general guideline, bullying occurs when a manager has an ongoing pattern of intimidating or demeaning behavior that can affect an employee's health.
"We've all had bosses who are rough around the edges, and sometimes you just have to deal with it," says Tom Davenport, a senior consultant at human resources consultancy Towers Watson. "But it's one thing to have an assertive boss, and it's another to have one that makes you feel sick — psychologically, physically and emotionally sick."
Since bullying is such an amorphous act, department managers and human resource executives often have to examine claims of it on an individual basis. Officials at the University of Virginia had to undertake this task earlier this year.
On July 30, Kevin Morrissey, managing editor at the University of Virginia literary magazine Virginia Quarterly Review, shot himself. Morrissey's sister, Maria Morrissey, says that after his death, she learned that her brother was treated harshly by VQR editor Ted Genoways.
Genoways' attorney, Lloyd Snook, says the editor was not a bully to Morrissey or anyone else in the office.
Following Morrissey's death, the university commissioned an audit of the magazine's finances and management practices. The Oct. 20 report says that while Genoways' ability to supervise his staff in accordance with university policies "is questionable," complaints against him didn't raise any red flags.
"There were reports through the years of the editor not being courteous or respectful with some contributors and colleagues, as well as problems with certain employees, but none ever seemed to rise to the level of a serious, ongoing concern," the report said.
In a formal response to the audit, Snook said that Genoways "has never been told of any specific complaint that any of his staff has had. There was never any personnel action taken against Ted."
Even with the release of the internal report, there are still many questions swirling — and not many publically known answers — about the situation at VQR.
Failing to take action
Yet, even when there are obvious concerns about a boss poisoning an office environment, often little is done. Reasons this is tough to diagnose and cure:
•Victims keep quiet. Many workers are embarrassed at being bullied, so they don't report the persecution to human resources. In addition, many targets are afraid that if they complain, there will be retribution.
•Intervention can take time. Morrissey and other staffers complained to UVA officials about workplace strife. Mediation was to take place, says UVA spokeswoman Carol Woods, but Kevin's sister, Maria, says the school didn't have a thorough or timely response. The UVA audit says its personnel satisfied "institutional policies and procedures." While there were notices of problems at VQR, the report says there were "no specific allegations of bullying or harassment prior to July 30th."
•Discipline can be subjective. Even though Undercover Boss is an entertainment-focused reality show, blogs were filled with intense criticism for Hooters CEO Brooks after he didn't fire the manager who made the waitresses eat without their hands.
That manager resigned earlier this year "to pursue other interests," says Hooters spokeswoman Alexis Aleshire. She said the company couldn't comment further on that specific situation, but e-mailed this statement: "Hooters has a longstanding and highly effective policy protecting employees from all harassment. Hooters of America and (the) Texas Wings (franchise) are confident the incident portrayed on Undercover Boss is in no way representative of conduct within the Hooters system."
•Legal recourse isn't clear-cut. Existing federal laws focus on the harassment/discrimination of those in a protected class, such as race, religion, national origin, age or disability. Since 2003, 18 states have proposed a "healthy workplace bill" that holds an employer accountable for an abusive environment, but none has become law.
•Witnesses are scared to come forward. About one in seven workers said they've seen workplace bullying but haven't been a target themselves, the WBI says. But many observers keep quiet. "A lot of time, bystanders see bullying, but they won't stand up," Mattice says. "They don't want to attract attention."
•Savvy bosses work the system. Manipulative managers often know how to play the game so they're not caught. "They kiss up and kick down," Sutton says.
Who gets picked on by whom
Workplace bullying can take many forms. While it's often a boss targeting employees, workers have picked on peers — and even their supervisors.
Slightly more than 60% of bullies are men, and 58% of targets are women, according to WBI. When a woman is the aggressor, she often picks on her own gender: Women target other women in 80% of cases. Men are more apt to target men.
Bullying can take place in any work environment, but Mattice says it tends to be more prevalent in hierarchical industries such as manufacturing, health care and education.
Crummy bosses are frequently more tolerated in organizations that focus on reaching sales goals, Davenport says.
"In a results-driven environment, managers may say 'Tom really is a jerk, but he certainly produces the numbers,' " he says.
Further complicating things: Most bullies don't realize — or at least, admit — that they're the bad guy. Fewer than 1% of people say they bully others at work, according to the WBI.
"We, as human beings, have self-awareness issues," Sutton says.
While maniacal managers may not realize how their behavior affects other employees, one place where they could see the difference is in the bottom line. Bullied employees will often take more sick days, steal supplies and use work hours to look for other jobs.
"They'll take longer breaks, and they'll be less likely to help others," Sutton says.
Beaten-down employees also don't perform as well on duties that take mental wherewithal. Research subjects have been less creative in simple puzzle-solving tasks after someone has been nasty to them, Sutton says.
But even as studies show that abusive managers can harm profits, bullying continues to rise at some firms.
One issue: Productivity-producing carrots, such as raises and bonuses, have been taken away as companies cut costs. Many mangers have turned to using sticks.
"With the economy the way it is, (supervisors) are more stressed out, and they are more likely to become more aggressive at work," Mattice says.
Those on the receiving end have their own issues due to the economic maelstrom.
"Anyone who is being bullied feels trapped, because where are they going to go?" she says. "They feel stuck there until the economy gets better."
Read the article on USA Today here: http://www.usatoday.com/money/workplace/2010-12-28-bullyboss28_CV_N.htm
Survival strategies for workers with bosses who are bullies, by Laura Petrecca, USA Today
Bosses often get a bad rap — mainly because they are just that: the boss.
These are the folks who scrutinize vacation day requests, ask for client reports to be revised and tell employees the company decided against 2010 raises. So naturally they will be closely scrutinized — and criticized — by workers, simply because they have such a large impact on their life.
"Bosses pack a wallop, especially on their direct reports," says Robert Sutton, author of Good Boss, Bad Boss.
However, there are many supportive, compassionate managers out there, Sutton says. "Most of us think our bosses are OK."
But for the folks toiling under a lousy manager, the daily stress can be severe. Some ways to deal with a bad boss:
•Have a heart-to-heart. "Perhaps your boss is one of those people who aren't aware of how they come across," Sutton says. It could be worth it to have a "gentle confrontation" with the manager in hopes of evoking a behavior change.
•Get help. "It's like a bully on the playground," says Tom Davenport, co-author of Manager Redefined. "At some point you have to go tell the teacher."
Employees should keep a detailed diary of a boss' bad behaviors and then bring up those specific instances when lodging a complaint.
"Don't talk about the way you feel. Don't say 'I'm hurt,' " says workplace consultant Catherine Mattice. Instead give very specific examples of how the boss crossed the line.
•Zone out. With some effort — be it meditation, therapy or another method — some folks are able to leave their work troubles at the office. "Learn the fine art of emotional detachment," Sutton says. "Try not to let it touch your soul."
•Update the résumé. "Start planning your escape," Sutton says. Sure, the economy may not be the best for job seekers, but those who put feelers out now will have a head start when the hiring freeze thaws.
Read the article on USA Today here: http://www.usatoday.com/money/workplace/2010-12-28-bullyboss28_ST_N.htm
These are the folks who scrutinize vacation day requests, ask for client reports to be revised and tell employees the company decided against 2010 raises. So naturally they will be closely scrutinized — and criticized — by workers, simply because they have such a large impact on their life.
"Bosses pack a wallop, especially on their direct reports," says Robert Sutton, author of Good Boss, Bad Boss.
However, there are many supportive, compassionate managers out there, Sutton says. "Most of us think our bosses are OK."
But for the folks toiling under a lousy manager, the daily stress can be severe. Some ways to deal with a bad boss:
•Have a heart-to-heart. "Perhaps your boss is one of those people who aren't aware of how they come across," Sutton says. It could be worth it to have a "gentle confrontation" with the manager in hopes of evoking a behavior change.
•Get help. "It's like a bully on the playground," says Tom Davenport, co-author of Manager Redefined. "At some point you have to go tell the teacher."
Employees should keep a detailed diary of a boss' bad behaviors and then bring up those specific instances when lodging a complaint.
"Don't talk about the way you feel. Don't say 'I'm hurt,' " says workplace consultant Catherine Mattice. Instead give very specific examples of how the boss crossed the line.
•Zone out. With some effort — be it meditation, therapy or another method — some folks are able to leave their work troubles at the office. "Learn the fine art of emotional detachment," Sutton says. "Try not to let it touch your soul."
•Update the résumé. "Start planning your escape," Sutton says. Sure, the economy may not be the best for job seekers, but those who put feelers out now will have a head start when the hiring freeze thaws.
Read the article on USA Today here: http://www.usatoday.com/money/workplace/2010-12-28-bullyboss28_ST_N.htm
Monday, December 13, 2010
MSNBC.com Is your boss a bully, or just a tough cookie?
Careers on MSNBC.com
By By Eve Tahmincioglu, MSNBC.com contibutor
Victoria Ring had a bully boss when she was working as a paralegal at a bankruptcy law firm in Ohio early in her career.
“I would be interviewing one of our clients who was in debt and he would stand outside to door listening to us,” she recalled. “As soon as I opened the door he would shout, “Why did you go and screw everything up?’ right in front of the client. I would feel like the lowest level person in the world.”
Despite the abuse, the tyrannical manager turned out to be one of the best bosses she’s ever had.
“He was extremely brilliant and knew every loophole in the law,” she explained. And he helped foster her passion for bankruptcy law, taught her to hone her craft and even helped her get a job in an Ohio bankruptcy court because people in the legal community knew if she could work for that boss she could work for anyone.
Ring, who launched her own business (Colorado Bankruptcy Training) this year in Colorado Springs, only lasted about nine months with the bully boss, leaving after he had a fist fight in the office with his brother who was also a partner at the law firm. But looking back, she said, the manager was pivotal in her career trajectory.
With all the negative press bullies are getting lately, it’s hard to believe that anyone can actually benefit from having to deal with one as their boss. But sometimes it’s the hardest-to-deal-with managers who turn out to teach you the most, and they may actually help you climb the ladder of success.
The question is, how do you know if your tough boss actually has some redeeming qualities and isn’t just a bully?
“The line between tough boss and bully boss is not clear for most people — bosses and employees alike,” said Judith Glaser author of “The DNA Of Leadership.” Making the distinction, she added, is even harder when times are tough and the pressure is on to perform.
“When people are interviewed about the boss who impacted them most,” she continued, “it was generally someone who was both candid and caring, someone who pushed them to succeed or achieve. So understanding where the line is between bully and effective leadership is vital.”
While most of us want to be treated fairly and with respect at all times, many of us see the benefits of having tough guy or gal as a boss.
In a study by Adecco Staffing U.S., employees were asked whom they deemed the best boss among a host of famous people. While touchy feely Oprah and soft-spoken President Obama topped the list, No. 3 was Donald Trump of “you’re fired” Apprentice fame. But Martha Stewart, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sarah Palin — all three tough cookies — weren’t far behind.
“Power and success are very attractive qualities,” said Tracy Whitaker, director of the Center for Workforce Studies & Social Work Practice, National Association of Social Workers, who has researched workplace bullying. “People see Donald Trump and they see success, but people have to understand that tough and demanding is different than unreasonable and arbitrary.”
Employees want to be mentored by the best and challenged and pushed to excel, she continued, but you don’t want to be confused, disrespected and humiliated at work.
While she acknowledges that some workers can take some abuse and find the good in a dysfunctional worker-manager relationship, others may see their self esteem and confidence suffer as a result. Feeling those things, she added, isn’t worth it for yourself or your career in the end, even if the boss was an expert at her or his profession.
But you may benefit from getting a bit of a tougher skin.
Catherine Mattice, president of Civility Partners, a consulting firm that specializes in eliminating workplace bullying, said employees can learn from a bully boss, but not if they allow themselves to feel persecuted.
“Unfortunately many people will take on a victim mentality and find themselves feeling that they have no options,” she said. “They will not learn from the experience. Those that choose to take the situation on as a challenge will find they are capable of overcoming, and will learn to become more assertive, more positive, and more able to take on the world.”
The key is figuring out whether your boss is just tough, or just a useless big meanie.
Read the rest of the article here.
By By Eve Tahmincioglu, MSNBC.com contibutor
Victoria Ring had a bully boss when she was working as a paralegal at a bankruptcy law firm in Ohio early in her career.
“I would be interviewing one of our clients who was in debt and he would stand outside to door listening to us,” she recalled. “As soon as I opened the door he would shout, “Why did you go and screw everything up?’ right in front of the client. I would feel like the lowest level person in the world.”
Despite the abuse, the tyrannical manager turned out to be one of the best bosses she’s ever had.
“He was extremely brilliant and knew every loophole in the law,” she explained. And he helped foster her passion for bankruptcy law, taught her to hone her craft and even helped her get a job in an Ohio bankruptcy court because people in the legal community knew if she could work for that boss she could work for anyone.
Ring, who launched her own business (Colorado Bankruptcy Training) this year in Colorado Springs, only lasted about nine months with the bully boss, leaving after he had a fist fight in the office with his brother who was also a partner at the law firm. But looking back, she said, the manager was pivotal in her career trajectory.
With all the negative press bullies are getting lately, it’s hard to believe that anyone can actually benefit from having to deal with one as their boss. But sometimes it’s the hardest-to-deal-with managers who turn out to teach you the most, and they may actually help you climb the ladder of success.
The question is, how do you know if your tough boss actually has some redeeming qualities and isn’t just a bully?
“The line between tough boss and bully boss is not clear for most people — bosses and employees alike,” said Judith Glaser author of “The DNA Of Leadership.” Making the distinction, she added, is even harder when times are tough and the pressure is on to perform.
“When people are interviewed about the boss who impacted them most,” she continued, “it was generally someone who was both candid and caring, someone who pushed them to succeed or achieve. So understanding where the line is between bully and effective leadership is vital.”
While most of us want to be treated fairly and with respect at all times, many of us see the benefits of having tough guy or gal as a boss.
In a study by Adecco Staffing U.S., employees were asked whom they deemed the best boss among a host of famous people. While touchy feely Oprah and soft-spoken President Obama topped the list, No. 3 was Donald Trump of “you’re fired” Apprentice fame. But Martha Stewart, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sarah Palin — all three tough cookies — weren’t far behind.
“Power and success are very attractive qualities,” said Tracy Whitaker, director of the Center for Workforce Studies & Social Work Practice, National Association of Social Workers, who has researched workplace bullying. “People see Donald Trump and they see success, but people have to understand that tough and demanding is different than unreasonable and arbitrary.”
Employees want to be mentored by the best and challenged and pushed to excel, she continued, but you don’t want to be confused, disrespected and humiliated at work.
While she acknowledges that some workers can take some abuse and find the good in a dysfunctional worker-manager relationship, others may see their self esteem and confidence suffer as a result. Feeling those things, she added, isn’t worth it for yourself or your career in the end, even if the boss was an expert at her or his profession.
But you may benefit from getting a bit of a tougher skin.
Catherine Mattice, president of Civility Partners, a consulting firm that specializes in eliminating workplace bullying, said employees can learn from a bully boss, but not if they allow themselves to feel persecuted.
“Unfortunately many people will take on a victim mentality and find themselves feeling that they have no options,” she said. “They will not learn from the experience. Those that choose to take the situation on as a challenge will find they are capable of overcoming, and will learn to become more assertive, more positive, and more able to take on the world.”
The key is figuring out whether your boss is just tough, or just a useless big meanie.
Read the rest of the article here.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
How to deal with workplace bullies
EG Sebastian, author of Communication Skills Magic, interviews me on the topic of workplace bullying. We discuss why people bully, and how to deal with bullying effectively.
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How do you know if you are a workplace bully?
EG Sebastian, author of Communication Skills Magic, interviews me on the topic of workplace bullying. We discuss how you know if you are a workplace bully, what you can do about it, and how to address bullying in your workplace.
Listen to internet radio with BusinessXSuccess on Blog Talk Radio
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
What we can learn from the suicide at Virginia University: Eight tools you need to fight your workplace bully
The tragic suicide at Virginia University’s esteemed literary journal, Virginia Quarterly Review, has sparked attention in the topic of workplace bullying. Though researchers from around the world have focused on the concept of bullying for the last 25 years, only now is the subject receiving the attention it deserves from the media.
Kevin Morrissey, the man who shot himself just two hours after receiving yet another scathing email from his boss, was not alone in feeling distraught because of his work situation. Though he was diagnosed with depression, detrimental psychological effects are common in all targets of bullying. In fact, up to 77% of individuals who are bullied develop PTSD (Matthiesen & Einarsen, 2004) – the same psychological damage that plagues soldiers returning from war.
Researchers have also found that almost 7% of targets do attempt suicide, and an additional 10% of them contemplate suicide frequently (Brousse, Fontana, Ouchchane, Boisson, et al., 2008; Yildirim & Yildirim, 2007). With 70% of the workforce claiming to be bullied at some point in their life, that’s 21 million people in the United States alone who contemplate suicide each year because of things happening at work.
Not convinced? Check out documentarian Beverly Peterson’s website at http://nojobisworththis.com. She has a whole host of short documentaries about people who have suffered from bullying, and who have in fact committed suicide because they were bullied at work.
I offer these eight tips to battle the bully at work:
1. Label it. Many targets wander through their situation without really understanding what’s happening to them or why they are being treated so badly. Most of us believe that bullying only happens at school age, so when it happens in adulthood it doesn’t seem real. Calling a spade a spade, or labeling the situation, is invaluable in understanding the true reality of the situation.
2. Make the choice to not be a victim. Research indicates that survivors of bullying have a trait that “non-survivors” have: they made the choice to not be victimized, they decided they would overcome, and they took control. You can change your attitude but you can’t change the bully.
3. Be assertive with your body language and your words. When we are bullied or threatened, we tend to shrink down with our bodies by folding our arms in and looking away. This type of response gives the bully the green light to keep bullying. So you must be assertive to protect yourself. That means making steady eye contact, keeping feet firmly planted on the ground, toes pointing forward, hands on hips or down at your sides, leaning forward slightly, and maintaining a steady tome of voice when you speak.
To be assertive with your words means using the following pattern when being verbally attacked by the bully: validate what the bully says and demonstrate that you understand his or her point of view, state that you are dissatisfied with the communication style, and then offer a solution to the problem. Now you can go to HR and claim that you did attempt to solve your differences – something they will respond well to.
4. Enlist support from people who are not co-workers. You will need a support system to get through this; you cannot do this on your own. Remember, many of us assume bullying only happens when we’re children, so it might be helpful to locate some websites and literature on bullying to help your supporters understand that what you are going through is real, and it is really hurtful to you. And, avoid trying to get people on your side at work.
5. Keep a factual journal. It is important that you keep a factual journal that you log each time a bullying incident takes place. Document the date and time, where you were, what was said, what the scenario was, and who saw it happen. Also save any tangible documents you receive from the bully, including any memos, emails, evaluations, and the like. It is important that your journal remain about the facts, and not be focused on your emotions, because you will present this journal to HR (see Tip #7). Of course it can also be healthy to keep a journal about your emotions, but this isn't appropriate to provide to HR.
6. See a doctor. A doctor can help you make your case when speaking to human resources. Describe to your doctor what has been happening and how you feel. Bring in some of the literature on workplace bullying if you need to. The doctor will provide you with a note that proves you are stressed out because of your situation at work. This will come in handy later.
7. Talk to human resources. Understand that bullying at work is a relatively new concept and has only very recently become something that is on the HR radar. That means that they will not necessarily understand if you say, “I am being bullied.” They don’t know what that really even means, and they don’t have a law or a policy to tell them how to handle it (yes, bullying is legal). That means you need to approach HR in a very specific way, and while difficult, these steps will be beneficial:
- Avoid showing your emotions, and stay away from “I feel” statements. You want HR to see the bully as the problem, not you. If you focus on how you feel, then it becomes about you. If you focus on the bully’s behaviors, then it becomes about the bully’s misbehavior and unprofessional conduct.
- Stick to the facts. Present your factual journal and list of witnesses along with any other tangible documents you’ve obtained.
- Provide a solution. All managers appreciate it when their employees approach them with a problem that is backed by a solution. As hard as it will be, put your emotions aside and really think through what you need to make the situation better for you – and present those solutions to HR. Solutions might include a transfer to a new department, communication skills coaching for your team, or a request for an outside consultant to help.
8. Reframe the way you see your job. Society has taught us that we are chained to our jobs and leaving is not an option. In addition, a lot of our identity is tied up in our work because we spend so much time there – it really becomes who we are as a person. But at some point, if you have exhausted all of your options and things are not getting better, then ask yourself what your dignity is worth. Certainly your 9-5 is not worth your health, or your life. Don’t be afraid to find a new job before the situation gets any worse.
Kevin Morrissey, the man who shot himself just two hours after receiving yet another scathing email from his boss, was not alone in feeling distraught because of his work situation. Though he was diagnosed with depression, detrimental psychological effects are common in all targets of bullying. In fact, up to 77% of individuals who are bullied develop PTSD (Matthiesen & Einarsen, 2004) – the same psychological damage that plagues soldiers returning from war.
Researchers have also found that almost 7% of targets do attempt suicide, and an additional 10% of them contemplate suicide frequently (Brousse, Fontana, Ouchchane, Boisson, et al., 2008; Yildirim & Yildirim, 2007). With 70% of the workforce claiming to be bullied at some point in their life, that’s 21 million people in the United States alone who contemplate suicide each year because of things happening at work.
Not convinced? Check out documentarian Beverly Peterson’s website at http://nojobisworththis.com. She has a whole host of short documentaries about people who have suffered from bullying, and who have in fact committed suicide because they were bullied at work.
I offer these eight tips to battle the bully at work:
1. Label it. Many targets wander through their situation without really understanding what’s happening to them or why they are being treated so badly. Most of us believe that bullying only happens at school age, so when it happens in adulthood it doesn’t seem real. Calling a spade a spade, or labeling the situation, is invaluable in understanding the true reality of the situation.
2. Make the choice to not be a victim. Research indicates that survivors of bullying have a trait that “non-survivors” have: they made the choice to not be victimized, they decided they would overcome, and they took control. You can change your attitude but you can’t change the bully.
3. Be assertive with your body language and your words. When we are bullied or threatened, we tend to shrink down with our bodies by folding our arms in and looking away. This type of response gives the bully the green light to keep bullying. So you must be assertive to protect yourself. That means making steady eye contact, keeping feet firmly planted on the ground, toes pointing forward, hands on hips or down at your sides, leaning forward slightly, and maintaining a steady tome of voice when you speak.
To be assertive with your words means using the following pattern when being verbally attacked by the bully: validate what the bully says and demonstrate that you understand his or her point of view, state that you are dissatisfied with the communication style, and then offer a solution to the problem. Now you can go to HR and claim that you did attempt to solve your differences – something they will respond well to.
4. Enlist support from people who are not co-workers. You will need a support system to get through this; you cannot do this on your own. Remember, many of us assume bullying only happens when we’re children, so it might be helpful to locate some websites and literature on bullying to help your supporters understand that what you are going through is real, and it is really hurtful to you. And, avoid trying to get people on your side at work.
5. Keep a factual journal. It is important that you keep a factual journal that you log each time a bullying incident takes place. Document the date and time, where you were, what was said, what the scenario was, and who saw it happen. Also save any tangible documents you receive from the bully, including any memos, emails, evaluations, and the like. It is important that your journal remain about the facts, and not be focused on your emotions, because you will present this journal to HR (see Tip #7). Of course it can also be healthy to keep a journal about your emotions, but this isn't appropriate to provide to HR.
6. See a doctor. A doctor can help you make your case when speaking to human resources. Describe to your doctor what has been happening and how you feel. Bring in some of the literature on workplace bullying if you need to. The doctor will provide you with a note that proves you are stressed out because of your situation at work. This will come in handy later.
7. Talk to human resources. Understand that bullying at work is a relatively new concept and has only very recently become something that is on the HR radar. That means that they will not necessarily understand if you say, “I am being bullied.” They don’t know what that really even means, and they don’t have a law or a policy to tell them how to handle it (yes, bullying is legal). That means you need to approach HR in a very specific way, and while difficult, these steps will be beneficial:
- Avoid showing your emotions, and stay away from “I feel” statements. You want HR to see the bully as the problem, not you. If you focus on how you feel, then it becomes about you. If you focus on the bully’s behaviors, then it becomes about the bully’s misbehavior and unprofessional conduct.
- Stick to the facts. Present your factual journal and list of witnesses along with any other tangible documents you’ve obtained.
- Provide a solution. All managers appreciate it when their employees approach them with a problem that is backed by a solution. As hard as it will be, put your emotions aside and really think through what you need to make the situation better for you – and present those solutions to HR. Solutions might include a transfer to a new department, communication skills coaching for your team, or a request for an outside consultant to help.
8. Reframe the way you see your job. Society has taught us that we are chained to our jobs and leaving is not an option. In addition, a lot of our identity is tied up in our work because we spend so much time there – it really becomes who we are as a person. But at some point, if you have exhausted all of your options and things are not getting better, then ask yourself what your dignity is worth. Certainly your 9-5 is not worth your health, or your life. Don’t be afraid to find a new job before the situation gets any worse.
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